To write down another date, another name you already nicknamed them in your mind, that dream of what-if taken from you, another angel in the book of grief and sadness… it’s hard to do.
The acknowledgement of the fact another loss happened makes it real. No matter if it was the first few weeks or months in womb, or hours, days, weeks or years in your arms, pregnancy and child loss hurts.
I’m finding talking about our journey is more challenging to do, at times, because my losses are great in number. Challenging to break the stigma of being known as a loss-parent or the angel-mom.
We have one living child, he is our gift and miracle after our first big storm of loss. Our Noelle was supposed to be our second miracle after another storm of losses, and we said hello and goodbye to her after 10 hours of her on earth in our arms.
My heart doesn’t know how many more losses it can endure. It is taking every fiber of me to continue to hold onto hope after loss. Belief that it can happen for us too, that we can be the lucky ones, blessed with at least one more living child to watch grow up and make our family feel more complete.
I’m trying to stay realistic and not be disappointed. It is just hard to do after loss. This is a road no parent should have to travel, and here I am, taking that journey, it feels so isolating.
If you too are experiencing infertility, loss, and having a hard time, please know you’re not alone. I am here for you and I thank you for being here for me too. 
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