One year ago today I gave birth to our little miracle, what should have been our second rainbow child (the rainbow after the storm of loss). We had very little time with her and I miss her dearly. I appreciate your reaching out during the next two days, just know my emotions are like the storm we had last night, gusting and unpredictable.
Dear Noelle Alberta Hope, you were named after your great grandmother Alberta. She has since passed away this last August. I imagine her with you and holding you. I imagine you also with our other family who has left before us, and all your baby brothers and sisters we never met.
Beautiful Noelle, we never got to watch you grow up with our family, but we did get to have you for your entire life you were with us. It feels like we were robbed of time and were hopeful for more of it with you. No matter what it brings me peace knowing you knew love your entire life, you could feel my heartbeat and hear our voices, and met your big brother Bond. Your daddy got to hold you and love you, spend time with you, and know your soul. You had a beautiful little soul too. Your body just wasn’t strong enough to stay with us. Trisomy 18 took you from us.
Our little peanut, sweet Noelle, you now have a little cousin who was born this past November. We met her and in many ways she reminds me of you. Her parents are your aunt and uncle. They never got to meet you, like most the family due to the limited time you had on Earth, but they think of you and remember.
Did you know you got a nickname the day you were born? Our little peanut. You were simply precious and oh so adorable, our perfect little newborn. The nickname stuck and we even have a Molly Bear in your memory now, although I had mommy brain when filling out the information for weight and was thinking 5.5 pounds not 5 pounds and 5 ounces, close enough.
Our time together was limited however Noelle lives in my heart every single moment of every single day. I pumped breastmilk for about ten months and donated to babies across the state of Missouri. I’m thankful I decided to dedicate my time to doing this because it has helped me heal in more ways than I knew possible.
I continue to heal, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and grow as a person.
I thank you for taking the time to read what I wrote and wish you a peaceful next few days. May this holiday bring you some joy and you’re able to spend it how you wish, be it with yourself or surrounded with friends and family. Be kind and gentle to yourself, you are the only you you’re going to get in this lifetime.
I love you Noelle Alberta Hope!!! Thank you for being our daughter. I will never forget you. 
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