Day 5 of World Breastfeeding Week.
This past Sunday was a World Breastfeeding Week event with local parents, their babies, goodie bags, drawings for door prizes, a lovely variety of food and peaceful cafe to dine in while the kiddos played. There were local vendors outside selling items or organizations promoting services. IBCLCs and a photographer too. My heart was torn all that day and my stomach in knots with many emotions. I wanted to celebrate with everyone there however I should have been able to celebrate because my daughter was almost 8 months old, instead she was there in spirit and I had photographs to honor her memory and my journey pumping.
Several people came up to me and were interested in my story, wanted to hear about our Noelle and I even showed a few people her photograph. Sympathetic tears for a few and mentions of how strong I was and how wonderful it is I’m donating in her memory.
I am looking forward to seeing the photographs whenever they become available. I have no idea what life has ahead of me or if I’ll ever walk this path again making liquid love for others. So last Sunday was a meaningful day for me and this week is too.
Everything I’ve done surrounding pumping and donating the past 7.5+ months has been for me, to help find peace because I wasn’t able to pump and donate in memory of our twins over 8.5 years ago, and mostly I did this to help heal from the loss of Noelle, in her memory.
I oftentimes called pumping breastfeeding early on. When you really think about it, that’s what it is, because breast feeding / chest feeding / human milk feeding, looks different for everyone and goes by many names.
I believe in building people up, supporting individual decisions and creating a village of support. Heaven knows that’s what has been surrounding me for the past year.
I wish I could have seen people more frequently, or felt closer to my community that was supporting me and my family. Hopefully that can happen more in-person again soon. I’ve done the best I can with given what I’ve had though, and that’s about the best I can ask for.
Thank you Noelle, for giving us what time we could have with you. For spending your entire life with us… I love you! Love, Momma. 
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