Dear baby,
Another day, another hour, another moment together. I cherish each and every second we have together little one. I still don't know how much time you have with us. I pray it is more time than we've been told and we get to create several family memories together. Your big brother has some grand things he would like to do with you, first was singing to you, lullabies, reading stories, playing peekaboo, telling you jokes, making you laugh, and then teaching you how to crawl and walk.
Yesterday I took a moment to relax because I needed to and it was a good time to check on you. At first using the home Doppler I wasn't able to find you, then once I knew where you were your heartbeats sounded strong.Then you moved of course so I searched twice more just to check on you and make sure you were ok. You've been moving more frequently if you don't kick during the day, such an odd sensation.
It's the time after your birth that I worry most about. I think about your heart defect with possible surgery if needed right away... We've been told that my body is helping you continue to live and we want you to have as much time as possible. I don't want you suffer or experience pain and I know I can't prevent that.
I understand more than many parents do the difficult decisions they make when a disheartening diagnosis such as Full Trisomy 18 is received. I feel there really needs to be more resources supporting parents and I hope one day there will be. Everyone should be able to make the choice needed, even if it's a hard one. Locally there is more support where we live now than where we used to be, I take what comfort I can in that.
We still can't imagine life without you in it and pray for a miracle, because after all, you being here is a miracle in itself. We've called you our miracle rainbow baby since month one and we dream of you being our rainbow after our storm of losses.
Know that your mommy, daddy, and big brother love you so very much! Forever and Ever!!! To the moon, and back, and around the universe!!! <3 Thank you for choosing us as your family.
Love,
Your Mama <3
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