Right now I feel like a part of myself is missing. Announcing to the few family and friends privately, and then announcing “publicly” via social media, as well as writing back to some people this week and the private group I am a part of looking for support and information... It has all taken a toll on my heart and my spirit. My energy feels so low. A part of me is missing.
I’m hoping to be able to find myself again this next week and find motivation to do things around the house. I just don’t have it in me this week. While we kept waiting for answers and then more answers I did a lot to keep myself busy and distracted. Now that people know it feels like the distraction is gone, there is no hiding what’s happening, not that I wanted to hide anything in the first place.
Talking about it to those we know makes it more real, that’s what makes it hurt more. Was walking in a fog before with moments of reality hitting me in my heart before we announced.
The person my heart hurts most for is our son. Six years old and said he was so excited when we were first pregnant because he would be meeting his best friend. Has continued to talk about all these wonderful things he wants to do with his baby sister, make her laugh, help her learn how to walk,.. When he learned that his baby sister was very sick his first words were “mommy, I don’t want my baby sister to die.” My heart breaks for him and writing this brings tears to my eyes. It’s all just so unreal.
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